Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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