people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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