When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
