We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i think i just lost a toe
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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