I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
