Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
