yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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