Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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