new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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