too bad you live with your parents still
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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