My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
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i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
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I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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