So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
the liver wants what the liver wants
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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