Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
