there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
