Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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