Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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