1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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