Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Did I show you my penis last night?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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