walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
