he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
