Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
