he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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