after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm always down for nudity.
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