He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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