She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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