just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
