we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
