my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get me chipped asap
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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