you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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