Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
