So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
