yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
