why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
