shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
