I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize