you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
