Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
