apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
