cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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