That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Randomize