btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
