We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
