Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
