Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize