you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
