Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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