I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
