"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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