I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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