I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
