Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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