On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
