I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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