we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize