the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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