just come out here and I will go home with you...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
