Do you still have your period?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
