3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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