Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
