woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
