My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
