you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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