Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
