I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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