i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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