having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize