dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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