forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
