Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
