I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I believe in your delicious
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
